Super Smash Bros. overlord, Masahiro Sakurai, admitted to the brutal murder of many beloved Nintendo characters in the latest Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct.
Due to the overwhelming pressure of working on the Super Smash Bros. series, Ultimate has finally pushed the famed director over the edge. More than 70 different characters were fatally injured during the final Ultimate Direct before the launch of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
Many detailed information leading up to the tragedy can be read after the break. Be warned, not for the faint of heart… or for those who despise Super Smash Bros.
The final fighter to join the base roster, Incineroar, was last seen battling Little Mac with an unfair advantage. Perhaps he was an accomplice of Sakurai himself.
It has been said that in traditional battles, there is only a choice of 8 different characters… a nice touch from the original Super Smash Bros. After a while though, up to 74 characters gain entry to the roster.
In addition to the mass Nintendo-cide (more about that later), Sakurai has also been selling trophies of many Smash fighters in the form of Amiibo. He has promised that the full roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will be released in Amiibo form.
The first three to hit stores will be Wolf, Inkling, and Ridley on 7th December 2018. King K Rool and Ice Climbers will join them on 15th February 2019. The remainder of the roster will become available later in 2019.
It is currently unknown just how these Amiibo are made. Some theorist do believe there is connection between the Smash Direct Tragedy and Amiibo production however.
There have been recent reports that Nintendo characters, which no-one cares enough about to become playable fighters, mysteriously lost their physical forms and have become spirits.
It is theorised that Sakurai corrupted our beloved Nintendo characters, as they have been spotted to use these spirits to power themselves up. A professional witness who wishes to remain anonymous said the following:
There are primary and support spirits to power up or add additional abilities like speed or strength to fighters. Mixing and matching spirits will help fighters get the upper hand against certain opponents, adding quite a bit of strategy to battles. I suppose you could say they work a bit like the Stickers from Super Smash Bros. Brawl, but more beefed up.
Fighters seem gain new spirits through battles. This has created a very dangerous underground community of illegal fighting. The more you fight with your spirits, the more they level up, and the more powerful they get.
It is worth mentioning that the use of these abilities is completely against official regulations, and should never be used in online battles.Not an actual quote
It has been revealed that fighters can now participate in local battles using multiple Nintendo Switch consoles. This option can be found in the dashboard.
Additionally, Online battles return with some very interesting changes. For glory and for fun modes have been removed, instead matchmaking is done through preferred rules. Depending on which rules fighters choose (multiple sets can be pre-registered) will determine who they are matched with. Fighters can even turn off items like Smash Balls and Pokémon. Matchmaking will also prioritise fighters which are in close proximity in the world for a more stable connection. It is possible that an unstable connection led Sakurai to butcher those poor Nintendo characters.
As fighters compete online, their Global Smash Power will increase. Once this gets to a certain level, players will then be able to compete in Elite Smash. This mode is one for the créme de la créme of fighters. This is perfect for those who want real competition.
Those who play online will be able to create their own Smash Tags… they are sort of like dog tags. Our professional witness had this to say about Smash Tags:
Recently, fighters seem to have been creating these things called Smash Tags, which seem to act similar to trophies. When a fighter defeats someone else in battle online, they receive a copy of the loser’s Smash Tag. It is, however, impossible to loose your own Smash Tag.
Smash Tags are mainly used to show off feats in the online community, but it is not unheard of for fighters to trade these tags for in-game gold.Not an actual quote
There’s plenty more to do online. Fighters can send a range of pre-determined messages both before and after a match. If fighters don’t like waiting around too much, they can let matchmaking run in the background while they play around in other modes. Spectator mode makes a comeback, allowing anyone to watch a range of different battles live. Fighters can also compete in online co-op battles with up to two people on each console.
Enter the Arena
Fighters now have the ability to create their own lobbies, known as Battle Arenas, in which they can play by more specific rules. Fighters can choose to either add themselves straight into the arena, take dibs on the next battle, or just sit back and spectate the match.
Battle Arenas can also connect with the Nintendo Switch Online App, offering voice chat for all those in the arena. The app will also include the Smash World service, which allows fighters to view records, watch replays, and much more.
Our professional witness is back, this time detailing the wonders behind assist trophies.
Assist trophies are just that, trophies which assist fighters in battle. These are based off many different characters from Nintendo’s history, like Spring Man from ARMS, Fly Water from Mario Paint, and Isaac from Golden Sun.
It seems that assist trophies can now be KO’d if they receive enough damage, but this still doesn’t reveal the secrets of how assist trophies are made.Not an actual quote
Even more features
There have been reports coming in that Super Smash Bros. Ultimate boasts a range of even more features. Fighters can visit the help section for helpful guides, hints, and tips.
100-Man Smash returns in the form of Century Smash, but now fighters can even set their own music from the game’s extensive collection. All Star Smash also returns, this time every fighter will spawn endlessly, one after another. Another returning feature is replays, which allow fighters to save and share their own replay videos.
Challenges makes a comeback, offering fighters a range of different objectives to earn special rewards. Fighters can also review a range of personal stats from both online and offline play. If fighters need a bit of retail therapy, they can spend their gold in the shop for spirits, music tracks, and more.
There are also plenty of brand new Mii Fighter outfits, including Yiga Clan sets, Splatoon 2 sets, and Nintendo Labo Sets… you can now play as Labo Robot Kid.
Fighters can choose to really customise their experience in the options menu. There are 11 different languages to choose from, not only will this change the UI language, but also some of the character voices will also get changed too, along with their names.
Fighters can also change their brightness and sound setting separately for docked and undocked play, Smash Bros. Ultimate will automatically change between the two based on if the Switch is out of the dock or not.
If fighters get confused between teammates and opponents in wireless or online, they can make them semi-transparent. The size of the radar can also be changed or completely turned off. Fighters can also increase or decrease the strength of specific characters for offline play.
Sakurai has yet another devious scheme up his glorious sleeves… DLC! Though development has yet to begin, it has been confirmed that Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will see five new premium fighter packs post-launch. Each pack will include one fighter, one stage, and a few pieces of music, and will be sold for £5.39 a pop. A Fighter Pass will also be available for £22.49 that includes all five packs as well as a Mii Fighter Costume based on Rex from Xenoblade Chronicles 2.
A report has just come in that one new fighter has just been spotted hiding deep in the sewers of Mushroom Kingdom. Allegedly, only those who enter the world of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate before the end of January 2019 will be able to meet this fighter… Piranha Plant.
Piranha Plant has emerged from the Mushroom Kingdom plumbing with a vengeance. This cruel plant can deal some mega ranged attacks, spit poison, and throw spikes at all those who cross their roots. One witness saw the beast transform into Petey Piranha as their Final Smash.
The Direct ended with that fateful tragedy that would even make Thanos shake in his boots. More than 70 Nintendo characters saw their probable end when the beast, sent by Sakurai, went on it’s light-stealing massacre.
The only character to escape this awful event was Kirby. It is likely that there is a bias towards Kirby however, seeing how he was Sakurai’s first ever character creation from the young age of 19.
An anonymous source told us the following was heard being said by Sakurai:
This will show them. Oh no, your favourite character isn’t in Smash? Too bad, no you have no characters.Not an actual quote
Of course, it is possible that there is a higher motive to this tragedy… say to set up Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’s Adventure Mode. Details on this mode are very scarce, but it seems players will be travelling over a range of world maps and competing in Spirit Battles to revive their friends.
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate launches exclusively for Nintendo Switch on the 7th December 2018.
*NOTE – No characters were actually harmed in the creation of this Nintendo Direct… we hope